Blog Post 359

You Made Your Bed, Just to Go & Fuck Up Mine

I had a feeling that this would happen but I kept it to myself. You came and got your things only to ask me one last thing that I was feeling uneasy about. I knew what it meant if we had done it but I just wasn't ready for someone like you knowing he was still around. So I said maybe in another life or two we can come back to this but for now, I think it's best if you just leave. I knew that I wouldn't have ever looked at you the same way if we had went through the thing you wanted. I felt it wasn't my place to be the one to do something like that with you. So I just stood there watching you pack your things only to get a text from someone asking for you. I told you to go ahead and talk to them hoping it would set you straight but instead, you just ended up crying so I rushed out to see what the deal was only for you to lean in closer and hold me tight as if this was something else.

I didn't know what to do but switch into the caring and loving person that I knew I could be and just play that part until you got better. There was so much on my mind and me trying to figure out who that person on the other end of the line was. I asked you who it was only for you to say it was your ex and I was like huh? What ex and you just went and said the one I just dumped so I got up asking why only for you to tell me cause he was with someone other chick at the bar and you only came to my place thinking I would do it with you to get back at him. Which you knew that wasn't me. Plus me and your so now ex are cool at least we were til he went and did that shit. So now my heart is racing and trying to figure out what we should do because I knew sitting here wasn't going to help either one of us. So I asked how badly did you wanna go through it and you looked up at me and after that, it's pretty much a blur but it went well from the way you kept coming back.

It's just crazy how it's 7 o'clock in the morning sitting there thinking how you lowkey weren't them and I wish I had someone better to do it with. Because in the end, it was never love it was just lust only to make you feel better. So I sat there thinking how badly this could go for the both of us only to just cut ties with you completely and not bother with the thought of you anymore. I felt pretty unsure as to what I wanted and who I wanted, that nothing felt real to me anymore. Yeah, what we did was fine but it had no meaning other than to just get back at your ex. Which is fine but I wish I wasn't the one you went to when you thought about it. Makes me feel worse about myself. 

Cause if you wanted me all along then why didn't you just ask me out or give me a hint or so. I would have been glad to give you the chance but I guess you only see me as a sex symbol and honestly I don't know how to feel about it. But I guess it's cool. You got what you wanted and needed and I got a feeling and thought about you being toxic so I cut ties with you so you're no longer reaching out and asking for more. So I guess it's a win-win situation. You showed your true colors and led me on to think you could be different but instead, you're just like everyone else when it comes to their situationship and current boyfriends being on the verge of an ex, and so on. So I guess honestly I have nothing to be mad at. Just surprised you came to me out of all people that's all. Would have been nice to get a heads up but it's whatever now. You're done and gone so no need to worry!