Blog Post 360
Why Do We Even Bother?!
I know I might seem like an ass saying all this shit but I’ve just got to let it be for what it is and move the hell on! We go back and forth with the emotions and feelings all to end up in another state of mind where we hate each other only problem is you come and go as you please as I stay in place! There’s never any room for me to talk or do what I need to do when you’re around! I feel trapped but at the same time, I enjoy your company which makes no sense! I guess the feelings are stronger than I can imagine/put into perspective!
I just wish you didn’t go out of your way and break my heart just to walk away! You could’ve saved me the pain just by simply leaving without a trace! But instead, you came and ripped it out my chest just to make me see how much you didn’t care about me! I guess the feeling at the time was valid for what we had going on and I should’ve just fell back like you asked but I was too caught up in us that it didn’t make any sense for me to do what you were asking me! I just wanted to be your peace and joy but I guess you only saw me as a waste of time and burden to your needs and wants!
I guess all you could see me as is someone that you hate! I wish I could go out of my way and change your mind about me but the way you treated me there’s no need for me to go back to you and try to fix it! You left me broken and unsure about my doings just to see you with someone new! So I let that shit sink in and left it alone only to come back and see that it was never my problem, to begin with and as much as I wanted you to feel the same pain as you put me through I just left it alone. It was never going to make me feel better about myself. I could only let time and faith take over and let karma do its thing on you because seeing you in front of me would have just made things even worse for me. So I kept my entire existence out of sight and away from you as much as possible. I knew crossing paths eventually would be one for the books but that book would never see the light of day if it was to happen.
From my point of view when we were together you just seemed so insecure and jealous of me which at that time I didn’t understand how when you had everything handed to you! So for me to finally realize what had happened it’s all so clear to me as to why you chose to do the things you did! You were so insecure about yourself that you saw me as a threat somehow and decided to take it out on me when I did nothing but treat you right and give you the love you deserved! So why did I get treated like shit through all the days were together?
I was so unbothered by everyone around me but when it came to you all I could feel was tension and pain and I knew I couldn't be around someone who made me feel like I was unsafe every time they were around. So I came to the terms of grabbing all my stuff and leaving you behind. I didn't want to think about where'd I go or what I'd do but I knew my mind was set on leaving and not looking back once it happened. You treated me like I was nothing so I left you like it was no big deal. You probably came out of the hell you were living in and searched for me but I was nowhere in sight. You had your chances with me but you went and fucked up every single one. So fuck you for real. I'm better off on my own and safer now that you're gone!
I never understood why I had to endure the pain you brought my way but I know that it helped me be stronger in the end. So maybe I could thank you but I won't forgive you for doing the shit you did. You should've learned to love yourself more before trying to love me. You never really had a shot with me at the beginning but I guess you constantly reaching out and being consistent made me cave in only to realize why I should've kept ignoring you. You were a fool and an idiot thinking you could be that way with someone such as me. You're literally nothing right now and it's because you knew what you were getting yourself into when being with me. I told you from the start that you can be like this right now but in the end, you're going to feel like shit and well look at you.
You were crying like a bitch asking for forgiveness knowing I don't take people back who treated me the way you treated me. Which is crazy since I've never been treated that way before, to begin with. So I don't even know why I stuck around for the time that I did when it came to you. I should've just walked away that night you had me feeling some type of way when you were going off on me for catching you out with some other guy. I guess that should've been my sign to leave but I was dumb and I didn't understand what had just happened and why I saw the things I did.
Things that night just seemed to be happening way too fast to even be real at the time. I got out of the car and ran away. I didn't care if you were out looking for me or not I just needed to find a way to escape the feelings I was having and find my peace of mind again because seeing that and you talking to me about it made it out to be true. You did what you did just to come back and tell me it didn't happen even though I saw it with my own two eyes. Literally fuck you! I hope karma beats your ass with a bat and you fucking rot in hell! That's all!