Blog Post 366

I Could See It In Your Eyes

No matter how many times I try to avoid the lies in your eyes I get a feeling of being something more than us just being friends. The way your eyes lock on me makes me question our existence as if what we have should be more only to realize it'll never work how we want it to. I can tell by the nightfall that it's all just an act and that in the morning you'll have no memory of feeling what you did for me. It's not like I want to feel these things when it comes to you it's just I know what will happen if we go down the path of catching feelings for one another. I know the feeling isn't the best feeling at times but sometimes it's all I need to feel and know when it comes to you. There's so much more to what you're leading on with and it makes me question if what we have is a lie or if we're meant to be only to come back to realize leaving one alone is what was best. I can't tell when it comes to those eyes gazing my way only to think you're telling me something without actually saying it. 

You leave me alone just to come and find me by the end of the night, push me to the side, and whisper in my ear how much I mean to you, but then you walk away and act as if I don't matter. So I follow you down in a crowd full of people trying to figure out what you meant by the things you said. I could go and talk to you about how much I wanna push the boundaries with you but then again the boundaries are there for a reason and if I overstep then it's game over I feel like. So I stand and watch as you dance in the middle of the dance floor thinking bout the things we could do if it was just the two of us and nobody else around. It's a shame how you got my attention so quickly only to let that shit go to waste when you started dancing with some other guy. I let you do your thing only to look to my left and see another angel in disguise thinking she could take my mind off you.

You were the type to love em and leave and honestly after the minutes of watching you dancing with that other guy I figured you out right then and there. It was all too obvious as to what the point of you taking us back to your dorm was but highkey I wasn't about it. It was too easy and knowing the aftermath of it all if we we went through with it I knew we would all regret it. Nothing good ever happens when you're drunk and unsure what to do with yourself. Trust me the things I was feeling that night were only for the depth of hell to know. I wasn't sure how I was getting where I needed to be but I knew I couldn't stay long. So I did what I did and sped off thinking it was done and over with only for you to reach out the following morning asking me for this and that. Like huh? 

I promise you I'm not the type to keep around so for you to keep thinking I care about you is insane. Nah my homeboy cares about you. I just wanted to have a good time and get a high off life nothing more nothing less. So I apologize if I made it seem like I wanted something to do with you but the alcohol in me was doing all the talking and I just went along with it. I promise you I don't need anyone to be as close as you were to me that night. It's not a good look for me trust me! Things aren't always what they appear when it comes to me. You were saying I was this and that and I shouldn't change only to realize it was all an act so we could talk and vibe. Nothing about me that night was real. That's why I let my homeboy get at you. He knew I wasn't really feeling you so I gave him the sign and he took his shot with you. I just sat back and watched it all go down realizing my predictions about you were correct and I needed to stay away from you!