Blog Post 368
I Didn't Mean to Cry When Talking with You
Honestly, I don’t even know what caused me to feel the things I felt when it came to you! I was chilling vibing having a good time only to look your way and feel some type of way not knowing how to make those feelings come to light! I kept second-guessing my doings only to start making my point across to you while having tears come down my face not knowing what the hell just happened! I was so confused as to what even just happened that I felt so bad for everyone in that room! I walked out to go wash off the tears coming down my face only to come back feeling even sadder because what the actual fuck was that?! I’ve never done this before and knowing this is how it went down was so confusing to me! I wanted to leave and forget about it ever happening but I stayed and tried to keep my head held high but the tears kept falling down and then I started to feel the anxiety coming in and that’s when I knew I had to go!!
I never really knew what to expect when it came to me explaining how I felt towards a girl like her who was just sitting there doing her school work trying to focus on what was to come next! I couldn’t help but think she could be the one only to shut my feelings out so I could talk to her but 20 minutes later something clicked and another me I guess appeared and ruined it all! It happened all so fast that I didn’t even believe myself for a minute after all the things that were said and done! I felt like part of me was lost and another part of me had been here before only to realize this is exactly why I can’t show my feelings because once they’re out I can’t stop them! Everything about those 3minutes was like a standstill trying to make sense of it all only to feel heartbroken and nothing else could be said! I swear it was like something out of a movie the way I just casually vibed only to go and ruin the mood because I confessed the way I felt towards this one girl! Like what the actual fuck!
See this is why I just sit back and stay silent! Because a guy like me can never have a girl like her and it’s frustrating as hell! Seeing someone so beautiful but can’t even be next to it because the stars are never aligned and the cards were never in my favor! So I do what I do best which was say aight cool and move along! There’s no point in trying to make something work with someone who doesn’t feel the same as you once did! So why bother? So I left and kept it simple! I just wish I could have known me confessing my feelings would have made me cry rather than getting the courage to tell someone how you felt and all of sudden you have tears coming down your face not knowing what it’s from when I was just expressing how I felt towards her!
Like ugh, why does life have to be so complicated with me? Like damn just let me find someone to love and care for without feeling like I’m being a bother and making it seem like I don’t mean the shit I say! When I meant the shit I said when I had tears coming down my face apparently! Like what the fuck!! I guess it’s been so long since I’ve expressed any sort of emotions towards anyone that her sitting there just happened to be the release I was looking for! But anyways, I’m all out of tears now since I’m pretty sure my drive back home got the last of it! Like I just hate myself for being like that! Especially in front of someone I liked!! Like what kind of shit even is that?! Ugh, I hate myself for real!!