Blog Post 378
It Never Made Much Sense Until You Walked In
I'm sorry for coming at you sideways thinking you were just another waste of time. But you need to understand that not everyone who meets me will ever get full access to me and you thinking I had a problem with you wasn't the case. I'm just fully aware and fully gaurded when it comes to letting people in and having them get close to me without having them get hurt in the process. I was taking my time and letting things build up slowly between you and I because I knew you'd be the one to save me but I didn't wanna let the thought of you being the one to do so get to me. So I held off and took my time with you and kept my distance from you so you wouldn't think I needed you. I just saw something in you that I haven't seen with anyone else and I knew I had to keep it cool and be aware of the things that could go wrong if I slipped up. So I chose to stay silent and only asked minum questions when it came to you because I wasn't trying to rely on you.
I needed to hold off on considering you as a friend because I know how temporary people can be and how quickly I choose to let people go over minor inconvenience to my life. So I apologize for me taking so long to let you in. I just knew you had a good heart and I wasn't trying to be the one to ruin what you already had going for you. Everytime I saw you I could only see the positive and the respect that you held. I was so intrigued by the things you did that I wanted to be part of it but not so much where it seemed like I wanted to be like you. I just wanted to be your friend but I didn't know how to ask that question or where to begin with proceeding to be your friend. So I asked for your number and then proceeded to just reach out every now and then to see how things were going but not too much where it seemed like I needed you. I just felt like if I texted you too much you would get annoyed with me so I just texted you about work and how your shift was. I kept it pretty chill only to realize you would want to have other conversations so I let those conversations happen and turns out I enjoy texting and talking to you in person when our routes collide.
It just sucks I have to have social anxiety when it comes to meeting new people. I didn't mean to make it seem like I was an ass to you when you first met me. I was just trying to do my job but then something told me to go talk to and now look at us literally talking on a daily basis checking up on each other...lols!! No I'm like really happy about meeting and having a friend like you. I can goto you about this and that because I know you'll understand it from my point of view because of the jobs we do so it just helps on my bad days. I really enjoy seeing you and being able to just talk to you freely knowing I'm not being judged for my thought process. I just hope you don't feel obligated to reply back right away when I text you, because most of the time it's just me processing my thoughts out loud which I shouldn't do but hey whatever helps I suppose.