Blog Post 379

Time to Let It Go

Hey I know this has nothing to do with you or the things you said but I just need some time to disappear and reflect on some things and the things I want in life. I know I already have a good thing going for me right now. But I still feel like something or someone is missing in my life and I just need to go out and find that missing thing for me. So in the meantime go out and do your own thing and just have fun. Just know I'll be watching from a distance wishing you the best. I don't really have much to offer to you anymore since most of my doings will no longer be a concern to you. I just know this path I'm about to go on will eventually lead me back to you but for now, I just need some space from the things I used to do and knew. 

I didn't mean for things to go down this way but looking back at all my doings I can see it was never really my place to stay so I apologize for even considered on showing up. I just wanted you to see how much I cared about your doings, but I can see that my caring no longer suits you. So I'm going for a walk and find something better for myself. I'm not saying you were the problem for me walking away; I just felt like the energy you gave off was off, and I felt unwelcome every time you looked my way.

I never said anything because it would have made me look like I was assuming things and blowing shit out of proportion but honestly, it's too late to talk to you about it now. I'm already running and praying that you don't find me. I'm trying my best to not cross paths with you but at the same time the thought of us never seeing one another hurts like hell but it's what's best for me right now. I'm not right in the head right now to be focusing on you and my job. I don't feel like me being with you is the right decision for me right now and also where will I find the time to even be next to you when you need me when I'm too caught up with work and my side projects. 

I'm not trying to make it seem like I'm ignoring you I just can't bare the thought of thinking you don't matter to me when you do I just think we rushed into it way too quickly without really thinking about what it is we have going on in our own lives. It's my fault for thinking things would work when in reality it's just a struggle trying to keep up with everything that's going on. So maybe when things are back at a steady pace we can meet up and try again. But for now, let's just keep in touch and do what we do best even though my feelings for you will make me want to be next to you no matter how busy I am. Which sucks because I know I can't go there and see you at least not right now and it hurts knowing that I can't give you what you want because of the life choices we make.