Blog Post 382
Should I Continue or Just Give Up on the Thought of You?!
I know I have zero reasons to put the blame on myself but shit just got all weird overnight and I’m trying to figure out what caused it all because we no longer talk or reach out to one another anymore! I know things are crazy with my schedule and everything else going on with me behind the scenes but I just don’t understand how we went from texting and seeing each other every day to ghosting one another out of the blue!! I keep asking myself if I was too needy with you or if I was being too nonchalant with you to give you an impression of me not wanting to bother with you and if that’s the case I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to make myself seem like you were a bother to me! I just get focused on certain things and don’t care to think or make time for anything else until the thing I’m fixated on is done! It’s a bad habit of mine I know!!
It’s just crazy knowing how you feel about me and the way you think about me without you knowing that I know! It’s kind of hard keeping it to myself knowing that when I see you on a daily but I know can’t tell you that I know because I’ll just come off as weird or worse crazy for assuming that when I was being told those things! So if anything I’ll just keep my mouth shut and continue with my doings as if the things I know don’t mean anything to me! But fuck it’s so hard keeping it to myself when all I wanna do is ask you if it’s true or not and maybe somehow go from there and see if we can make it come to life instead of just keeping it in our heads! I wish I could approach you about it in a perfect way and at the right time but what exactly is the right time?! I keep thinking the next day is the perfect day only to find out this and that and it just never works out! So I ignore the situation and leave you to do you only to think of you throughout the night and repeat the cycle!
Sometimes I wish meeting new people and making myself feel some type of way toward them didn’t exist! But no I saw you and immediately wanted to get to know you which is my fault! I should’ve just said hey and kept it pushing but instead, I said hey, and now I’m stuck on you without knowing what to do! I hate this shit because I think you’re quite pretty and whatnot but my introverted ass will never be able to talk to you in person so I guess I’ll have to do it over the phone or something! Because honestly, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since that day I saw you looking at me making me feel some way towards you and making me question myself if I really want to pursue you in that way or if I should just leave it at nothing and carry on about my day and life! But nope I’m stuck on you and I’m just trying to figure out what to do without making things awkward for you and me!