Blog Post 385

I Feel Like Backing Down

This might sound stupid but me fighting with you is never going to happen so if it's the fights and arguing that you want then please go be with someone else. I'm literally just trying my best to care for you and love you as you deserve but if you're wanting to go back and forth on this and that and accuse me of this and the third then honestly I have no point in doing this. It's easier for me to just walk away from it all and go find something better only to have thoughts about you and how we could have made it work if only I had just stayed. But if I had stayed then the fighting would have just continued and I'm so sick of the fighting. It's gotten to the point where I'm just not going back and forth with others and just simply agreeing with them even though they're in the wrong but I'm physically and mentally drained from trying to correct other people that I just don't care anymore.

You could go out and blast my name about this and that saying how I'm a cheater and all this other shit but in reality, people who are close to me know I don't even bother talking to other people when I'm with someone so they're going to look at you like you swallowed some drug and ask if you're okay. While I'm chilling minding my business sending them the screenshot about all the crazy shit you're texting me proving all my points as to why I don't do relationships. Like you're basically a walking blueprint of why I need to stay to myself and mind my business. I don't need the drama when I can watch it stress-free on Netflix at the house so you coming into my life thinking I need you is wildly insane. 

I only bothered to be with you because you seemed normal enough to not treat me like shit. But I guess that was just a facade which is why I still have trust issues. Like why didn't you just tell me you were a bit off from the jump? I could have matched it or better yet tried to understand you for you and the way that you are. But no you literally showed up and started abusing me like huh?! I'm sorry but do look like a punching bag to you? Please don't answer that because I know I have moments where I tend to have people wanting to punch me. But no for real though I'm just trying to figure it all out and go back to the moments when things started shifting and if I had missed any red flags when it came to you but I have absolutely nothing in return other than the fact that my feelings for you were real enough to make me stay and make things work between us.