Blog Post 392

Back to Square One

I never meant to waste your time. I thought things were great til I started realizing certain things and felt like my presence was no longer needed. I cleared every trace of me out of your life and went about my doings. I didn't mean for it to go south so quickly but what can you do? My only intentions with you were basically so I could distract myself from the things that were harming me and I guess once it stopped I saw no need for you which sucks I know but it's just the way things go. Once again, I apologize for wasting your time, but I think this is the last time you'll ever hear from me. You might see me out in traffic doing my thing, but other than that, there are no longer any traces of me.

Don't get me wrong, talking with you was fun and all, but it's just not me, no matter how much I tried to be that guy for you it just felt like it was more of a job than an actual connection and I was just tired of forcing myself being something I wasn't with someone I really had no intention of being with in the first place. I kind of just did it out of boredom and so I wouldn't convert back to my old ways, which was swimming in traffic and being antisocial. I prefer the simple things in life, and not having to rely on others, and you being in my life was making it kind of hard to be that and to do that. So I decided to drop you and everyone else around me for the time being because I just don't see the point of socializing right now.

I haven't had much time to myself and a place to think in so long, and I think that's the reason why I've been crashing out so often. I've always had a place to go to clear my head from all the things I feel and think but lately I've had no where to go and it's been killing me so I've just been crashing out and going at everyone which isn't healthy but I'm trying to get back on track of things and I think by cutting people off will help me for the time being. I'll probably go back on my socials and see what's new but for now I'm just chilling and minding my business offline and focusing on work and trying to get back into the rhythm of that.

Yes, occasionally I'll go out and swim > in traffic, but right now I'm kind of just laying low and keeping to myself without the need of others. I'm good right now to where I'm not needing to be bothered by others or go out of my way and bother them. I think me just being at work day in day out just drained me and having those 3 days off seemed to help me get things back on track on where I need to be and what it is I need to do to make shit easier for myself. So maybe crashing out is valid in most cases but not always. But for me it's for sure valid because I simply don't know how to ask for time off or simply put know how to rest. Until it's too late, as in me simply just crashing out of the blue.