Travel Stuff

Wilmington Trip // 2022

October 13th, 2022:

I ended up taking a quick trip to Wilmington for the weekend to get away from all the chaos that was happening around me. I ended up going to a few new places and managed to get some photos while I was there. I had been wanting to get out of town for a while now but with work and everything piling up it just didn't feel right. But I went anyways and just ended up clearing my head from all the bullshit that was happening at the time. I somehow managed to get this picture of this guy paddle surfing in the ocean thinking nothing of it. 

But after a few days being in Wilmington and away from all the chaos that was happening back home in Greenville I realized that having people around me and always being available to them was draining and very inconsistent with my well-being and needs. So I ended up cutting ties and ended up going my own way. I didn't bother telling anyone I was back or cared to see anyone when I got back. I just isolated myself from everyone and just started my work day as if everything was good and well. I made sure people couldn't reach me or knew about my whereabouts and the things I was up to. I just wanted to do my own thing for once and I knew I'd have to do it while being isolated from those around me which was difficult at the first but after a while, it was all I wanted!

 

New York Trip // 2022

September 20th, 2022:

So I ended up going to go see the family up in New York for the family get together and just to simply hangout with the cousins and catch up with them since I hardly ever get to see them. I love my family members even though I keep that side of my life very private due to their business and how they operate. I don't know why but every time I see them I feel calm and at peace with myself unlike when I'm in North Carolina feeling like nothing can go right no matter what I do. 

I think about moving to New York and being with them a lot even though it's not exactly something that I'm wanting to do right now. I still get anxious every time I'm around the dinner table since there are so many of us eating and just basically trying to all talk and ask me about my life knowing there's not much to tell other than I'm alive and still breathing. I don't know I just don't ever open up to anyone in my family because the last time I opened up I was sent to rehab and I'd rather just keep those thoughts to myself and out of the way when it comes to them. I get that they're there to help me but sometimes I just feel better off doing it myself without being a bother to those around me.

Myrtle Beach Trip // 2019      

 

October 28th, 2019:

So on this trip I was celebrating my 22nd birthday while also having to deal with major mental health issues and just things that weren't supposed to happen to anyone such as myself. I ended up being lost and mentally drained during this trip that my lack of interest in getting photos was high. I went to Myrtle Beach with the intention of getting photos and just having a good time with a few friends of mine but it turned out to just be draining from the moment I packed my bags. I wanted to hide the guilt of being mentally drained so I didn't offend any of my friends but it was a shit show all around.

So I just ended up going back home a few days later and just avoided everyone for a while. I wanted to get better but I wasn't sure where to begin. It just felt like everything I did and said ended up upsetting everyone around me and I was just lost all around. I finally just said fuck it and just shut down for the whole month of October and just didn't bother thinking about the trip at all. I had a few breakdowns while on it and I just didn't care to hide the things I was going through anymore. It felt like I was someone else for the whole month of October and it was slowly killing me day by day.