Mak

???   So I visited my old middle school today and talked to one of the counselors I would always talk to about personal things I'm dealing with and she brought up a person I have a hard time acknowledging/talking about. So this is for her. I'm not sure what this is at the moment but I know for a fact that all my feelings towards her is how this post came to be. Call it strange/weird or whatever the fuck but it's true. Without my feelings for her, this post would have never been published. I'm not trying to hurt you like I did before. That's why I haven't talked to you in almost 6 years and I know me not reaching out to was probably killing you but I remember you telling me to stop reaching out to you so that's what I did. I never meant to get on your bad side. I only wanted the best for you and us in general. But I now see that was never going to be the case and for that, I'm truly sorry. I know I kept trying but I guess my efforts just weren...

I'm Back Sorry I've been gone for a long time but I've just had to gather all my thoughts and figure out what it is that I needed to talk about and address/set somethings straight. So let's go ahead and get right into it. But please note all of this is strictly personal and from my point of view on things. So without further ado let's get into it. For starters, there are only two people living in the house. Mom and me + 2 dogs but they're not human so we aren't going to include them in this. Anyways we do our own thing at our own time. We see and talk to each other but we don't ever ask about one another. We kinda just focus on ourselves only and not pay too much attention to one another. Mom works and I do whatever it is that doesn't involve me getting arrested and put in jail. I tend to just stay to myself and not talk to people unless it's through snap or text. But other than that I don't talk to people outside of my group. I'...

I Guess I'll Never Be Good Enough So I've been doing a lot of thinking and that's something I usually stand clear of doing. But for some reason, the only things that keep coming into my mind are my actions from my past and a girl from my past as well. I keep thinking to myself that maybe there's a way for us to just come to a realization and make things right but every time that happens my depression hits and anxiety triples.  So I don't know what to do besides: 1. Move back to my place of birth which is overseas 2. See a therapist which I'm highly against doing 3. Killing myself so I can stop having to remember my past & her in general I guess I'm just tired of people telling me that I'll never be this or that. Cause right now I don't even know what I want. So me having to hear others talk shit to me and talk me down on shit that I think I'm good at and know I can do isn't helping my case. It honestly makes it even h...

Living For Me Only Do you ever feel like you're living for someone else? Cause I sure as hell do and it's annoying as fuck. Being told what to wear, how to act & what to do is just not me. I'm sorry but this whole fucking shit you got me doing isn't going to work for me and I don't even know what made you think that this was a top of the line plan. Considering the fact that I don't live for others nor do I care for others enough to actually live on in there memory. I'd rather just continue doing me and if I get hate for not following in someone else's footsteps then so fucking be it. These past few years I've been constantly been told how to do things and all this other shit and I'm tired of it. I don't want to follow in someone else's footsteps considering the fact I don't even have any of my own footsteps to follow. So how can I take on someone else's? People must have me confused with someone else because I keep look...

Painful Memory Let's just say I remember my past finally and for someone who hasn't remembered anything about there past for 20 Years, 5 Months and 28 Days sure has a lot to say. So sit tight and relax cause this shit is about to be long as fuck. Why would you purposely take a young innocent child's happiness and childhood away from them and act as if it was no big deal? Do you know how sick you have to be to do that sort of thing? All this time I've been thinking it's just who I am and how my life is supposed to be a how I'm supposed to be living it. But in reality, it's not. So you got inside my head somehow and have been in it fucking shit up while everyone keeps judging me for the things I'm doing which apparently I thought were right but in reality, they aren't. Looking back at those videos made me keep asking myself as to what went wrong? What happened to me to go from being a happy and likable kid to a mean and aggressive person?...

Take It As It Is People ask me on the daily what it is that I want in life and I always ignore them because how can I know what I want in life when life changes and things tend to fade away. But when it comes to me knowing what I don't want in life it's a fucking list. I guess I just don't care to see life as a WANTING situation. I see life as a UNWANTING situation and it's kind of been that way since 7th grade. People only want to take take take and never think about what would happen next. But for someone like me who's been through some rough experiences with life and pain, I don't care to want anything out of life. I just keep living life without a fuck to give and it's very clear that I don't care to make temporary friends. So I mean life for me is basic I guess and simple in a way.  People want to tell me to do this and that but never explain to me what it is that I'm actually doing. So I give them a fucking attitude and walk away. I can't t...

Leave Me Alone I'm about to be hella real with this topic. So if you're easily offended then this isn't for you so please just leave! What the fuck is it with people that I don't know/don't give a fuck about coming up to me and opening up their mouths? Do you not see that I have my earbuds in my ears listening to music minding my own fucking business? Oh, you can? Oh okay, so what the fuck made you think you could open up your mouth and talk to me considering your ass would get ignored and pushed to the side? Like were you dropped on your head or something? You must not have a high enough IQ since you think you can randomly just talk to me as if I'm going to stop everything I'm doing and listen to what you have to say.  People who randomly walk up to me make me sick basically. For example, I was out downtown by the river just walking minding my own god damn business listening to music bout to go climb to the top of the stadium and some random guy ...

How I Met Her First off let me just say I met this person back when I was in 8th grade around the end of the year and I never actually explained how I actually met them until now. So enjoy. Also, my body is fucking shaking right now just by thinking how I met this person. So I'm in the 8th grade and it's literally like a few months away from our summer break and I'm in the classroom chilling minding my own business doing school related shit and I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom and she said yeah just don't get into a fight. So I walk out the classroom and head towards the bathroom and I see this girl walking past me and I'm thinking to myself damn shes cute and after that, I didn't really think too much about her and just continued to walk to the bathroom. So lunch hits and I walk in with the all the other students not really paying attention to shit cause back when I was in middle school I never actually went to lunch. I basically didn't eat...

How I Live My Life I live my life without a care in the world. I don't care to care about others or my well being. I just simply gave up on giving a fuck about a lot of stuff such as people, and life in general. I don't know why people keep having to think I'm sweet, innocent, and charming or whatever the fuck they wanna call it when in reality I'm far from all of that shit. I stopped being charming when I was like in 6th grade or some shit. So people who call me charming and shit make me sick. Cause if they really knew who I was they'd call me the devil the way I see it.  I don't go to parties, social gathers or anything that has a crowd basically. I honestly can't stand being in a crowd full of people asking me how I've been and what my future plans are. Like can I just live my life without actually thinking about those two things? Cause last time I checked I was suffering from PTSD and DEPRESSION on a fucking daily. So you asking me how I'm doing ...

The Real Me I'm going to be explaining 50 details about me & Hopefully some of y'all will understand me a little bit better I don't fucks with trumps bitch ass I fucking hate people that bring up my past I like being left the fuck alone about every day I'm anti-social as hell I'm anti-religious as hell I didn't really give a fuck about my actions in school. Kinda just said fuck the rules and did me without hesitation. I don't care about most people that I meet. I simply just don't make time to give a fuck about others. I ignore/cut off people from my life that I find irrelevant I don't have time for people and the beef that they have with me cause I'm pretty sure I can go to Walmart and get some beef there for less drama. I don't answer phone calls. I mostly just block everyone who calls me. If I need to get in touch with someone I simply just text them If your name isn't in my phone I find your ass fucking ...

I understand that I'm not going to live forever. So why must people around me have to make it seem as if I'm just wasting my life away? All I'm doing is simply just living my life so how bout y'all hop off my dick and go try doing the same and stop worrying about the little shit and focus on yourself. People that think just because they're talking hella shit about me in a negative way it's somehow going to provoke me to react is irrelevant. Got neighbors pissed or whatever the fuck at me cause I play music that has "explicit" language or whatever the fuck in it. But last time I checked I owned my 4runner and I don't pay monthly for it so I mean you arguing about my music and what words are said is pointless to me. Cause bitch I'll just turn the volume up even more! I honestly wish people would stop thinking that they own others/have to give a fuck about what they do, say, or play. People to me are a fucking waste of time and I don't even ha...