Mak

Not Holding Back Anymore Since you want to know the truth so bad I’ll give it to you. But don’t come to me telling me I should have told you sooner when I tried. You just only seemed to care about how far you could push me away and forced me to hate you when hating you was the last thing I ever wanted to do. If I'm going to be honest here I'd like to point out that I only hate you for pushing me away. I never hated you for you or whatever you thought it was I hated you for. The way you pushed me out like an outcast really fucked me up considering the feelings I had for you were so new to me I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. But now that I’m much older I understand that feelings are something we can choose to acknowledge or just simply ignore and once I learned how to ignore all the feelings that I had. I made myself move on from you and just decided I didn’t want to feel anything ever again unless it was pain. You put me in such a dark place I thought that not feeling an...

It's Not Real I could go on about how feelings get in the way of my judgment but that’s just an excuse to not feel and besides everyone around me knows feelings aren’t something I choose to have. So why you tripping over me not being able to acknowledge how I feel when it comes to you? Sometimes I just wanna be neutral about everything that goes on and only react when necessary. Somethings just don’t need to be acknowledged other than pain or regret and that’s something I know nothing about.  I have no knowledge of regret. I only do what needs to be done and call it a day. If you felt like my doings were in the wrong then keep it to yourself cause I won’t care considering the damage has already been done. There's nothing you or I can do about the shit I did. We can only move on from it and go about it a different direction if it ever comes up again. Not saying there’s no room for change because there can be I’m just saying I’m not wasting time on something that can be done inst...

I Find You Useless  I find it interesting how people ask me if I’m in a relationship and when I reply with no they see me as an outcast and just laugh at me. Which is fine considering I don’t really fucks with most people that I meet so I get where they’re coming from. But since when does being single / independent have to be a weird thing? I’ve been alone for so long that I don’t know how to be with somebody else. It’s hard and feels uncomfortable for me being with someone for more than an hour. Feels like I’m invading their space and I just end up leaving without an explanation other than it’s been chill but I got to go. Not sure if it’s because I pushed everyone away from me for getting too attached or just simply because I didn’t care to be bothered and have people getting in the way of my life and end up being dragged into shit I have no interest in acknowledging. But either way I don’t regret it. I only regret giving them the option to stay or leave when they should’ve just l...

Just Seeing Where Your Head Is At  How do you manage to be in someone’s business when the only thing that person is doing is finding ways to disappear without a trace?  Chill the fuck out thinking somebody got something to do with you! If anything that person has never even acknowledged your existence. Some people just don’t see others the way others do! Not everyone comes to the realization that others have a meaning/purpose in their life. Some see others as a distraction or simply don’t see them at all. People need to realize not everyone they meet is going to show them the respect they seek or see anything worth noticing. They’ll just walk past you as if you weren’t there. Getting mad for not being recognized/acknowledge is such a childish move. Just make your point and move the fuck along. If they want to acknowledge and take interest they will but don’t force it upon someone. Otherwise they’ll see you as a insecure little bitch and just look at you in disgust. Not everyth...

Why Do I Even Bother at This Point? People stay telling me to be more happy / smile more and all this other shit I don't care to be. It's frustrating for me to be something I'm not / do something I don't understand. Me not smiling and not showing any kind of emotion or reaction and going about my business makes me happy. I get people who don't know me will never understand why I do the thing I do but damn chill telling me to be happy, because I'm perfectly happy I just have a hard time acknowledging it and showing it. Sorry for not being like every other basic living creature on this planet with emotions and knowing which ones to use on cue. Sorry for not being brought into this world with a mom and dad like every other newborn baby. Sorry for having to be put in an orphanage dealing with emotional and physical abuse while also having to fight and survive until I was either old enough to leave or get adopted. Sorry for being so aggressive due to my upbringing. E...

It's Just Easier This Way It's been a few days since I've done anything relating to social media other than delete/deactivate my accounts due to personal and mental health reasons. I'm not mad or upset about anything or towards anyone. I've just been feeling very drained recently trying to do social media and keep up with everyone I care about with everything that's been going on with work, life and moving out it's been really stressful on me and not knowing what to do just made it worse for me. So I thought by me getting rid of my socials would help me get more time on my hands instead of looking at a phone for 15-18 hours a day. I haven't received any text or calls asking if I'm okay/what happened so I guess it was best for me after all. Considering I was right after all, nobody cares and I'm okay with that. Gives me plenty of time to reflect and think about everyone who was just there but didn't really seem to wanna be there I guess. Maybe...

It's Nothing Personal No offense but I don't care to acknowledge people who don't have my number and don't even talk to me in real life but have the audacity to say they know me or tell their friends that I'm cool with them and we should all hang out. I'm sorry but what? If I don't talk to you / make eye contact with you in public that's a dead giveaway that I don't know you. So could you stfu saying I know you because I don't and if I did you would know I don't appreciate people around me telling my business to those I don't know/talk to on a daily basis.  I don't need my private situations getting mixed in with my public situations for everybody to see and judge me on it because it shouldn't have been in the public eye in the first place. That's why I stay off the grid and off social media and never post stuff on my accounts. But that doesn't mean I don't have people to talk to about certain situations that I go thro...

Just Being Honest Like You Told Me to Be People see me thinking I'm always happy or just basically living life but in reality, I'm always thinking of killing myself due to the stress and anxiety that I'm facing but I never talk about it because I hate looking for help/attention/validation from others. For me there's just something about people asking about my personal life and how I'm feeling that's just annoying to me and I'm not trying to be rude or mean about it but damn can you just back off my case and not ask me about shit that has nothing to do with you! If I wanted to talk about something that involved you I would've confronted you about it. But it had nothing to do with you therefore you have zero reasons to be in my business playing detective. I'm not the type to acknowledge someone's question especially when it comes to me having to explain to them what's bothering me considering the answer is always the same ( No longer see the po...

Done with You I don't mind you fucking up my life with your doings. But just because I let you do the shit you do doesn't mean I'm not taking notes on everything you've done because sooner or later the receipts will be leaked. So keep on doing the shit you're doing and see how far you get in life after you've had your fun. I know for a fact once I leak that shit I'll be laughing while you're crying and trying to get in touch with me and I'll be nowhere near you! You kept on saying this is what you like doing so I'll just keep letting you do what you like. I'm not going to stop you from being you. I wanna see the real you and not something you're not. I wanna see the devil that you really are so when the time comes I can end your shit and go bout my life like nothing ever happened other than ruining your life! Keep it up and shut the fuck up. Don't be mad at me for the issues you keep creating on the spot just for attention and sympath...

Fuck You Honestly what more can I say? I'm sorry you thought I was kind and nice but in reality, I'm not. I simply mind my business and only respond if it's worth my time. So you saying I'm ignoring you and being disrespectful is kind of out of pocket when you simply just didn't catch my interest. So with that being said stop blowing up my phone, and get a fucking life because I promise you, you don't want me to expose your shit and leak your address. Some of you just need to understand I really don't care as to what you say or do to me but I will remember it and deal with it in my own way with or without your approval. So if your shit gets hacked, leaked, exposed, or fucked basically that's out of my jurisdiction because I told you not to fuck with me and I'm not going to repeat myself just to prove a point. I'll have my point proven within the next day or within a few days depending on the schedule and how upset I am. I'm not the type to le...

Never Meant for This to Happen I swear it gets worse by the day knowing this life I'm living is a lie and nobody even knows it. I can never come to reality as to what I want in my life and who I want in my life. I like being me and doing what I like but when it comes to talking to those who are close to me I freeze up on topics such as seeing someone or even mentioning someone to them. I guess there's just too much stress and anxiety in my life right now for me to accept the fact that I like what I like and can't help it. I don't know why but I feel comfortable with doing the things that I'm doing it's just I know people around me are going to have a problem with it and I don't think I'm ready for them to leave my life over something that should be normal but apparently isn't right now. Maybe if I just numb all the thoughts and feelings things will be okay but then I'll never understand how to truly feel about people or certain things that happen...