Mak

Sorry It Took So Long How can I be happy when all I feel is pain and regret when seeing you? It's like hell on earth knowing I can't do anything to make the pain go away. I told myself I'd keep my distance from you from then on out and so far I've stuck to it but seeing you out and about just doesn't feel right knowing you should be next o me like how it used be when we first met. Things are so much different and difficult now knowing I have to move on as if nothing happened between you and I. But how can someone like me move on when I never even got the chance to say sorry or explain myself from the jump. Feels like a lot of shit was unsaid and I wish I could just come out and tell you everything was on me and never on you. I never meant to hurt you in silence. I just thought by me keeping my distance and hiding all my pain it would make things easier for you and we could just continue passing by as if nothing was wrong as usual. But it turns out there was a lot of...

Just Annoying Why do these leaches feel the need to block and unblock me for? Like damn you're just going to end up getting blocked again! So stop bothering with me. I don't talk to people from my past. After I decide to bock your ass and put the time to doing so your ass should be moving on and not having any knowledge of me. Stop thinking about me and thinking that I'm thinking about you because I'm not. I got better shit to do then to remanence over someone who meant nothing to me. I don't care about others nor do I have the time to and I sure as hell never show any feelings towards others. So why do you bother getting pressed about me blocking you when you were just a someone temporally filling in for someone. Go to hell thinking I was ever a friend of yours. I hinted out so many signs that I was unfriendly and yet here you were choosing to ignore them. Now look at you being pathetic and texting me asking why I blocked you. What a shame you had ask me that inste...

Just Bury Me 6ft Under All this shit we do is getting irrelevant real quick. So why don't we just get a gun and shoot ourselves with it? Seems a lot logical to do then just sitting around wasting our time thinking about shit that doesn't even matter. Getting tired of being this and that when I just wanna be alone and dead. Maybe then I could get some long awaited peace and quiet. This back and forth shit getting to the point where I just wanna stay at my current position and never look back. Just need others to understand that all this shit is temporary and never lasting. Sometimes things get so out of hand that I point a gun to my head and close my eyes thinking it'll be over but for some reason I always ease off the trigger and just pass out. I just feel like there's nothing left for me to give or do with my life. So why not just call it quits and let my ship sail into the depths of hell and call it a year. It's like people around me want me to stay alive and do w...

Not Holding Back Anymore Since you want to know the truth so bad I’ll give it to you. But don’t come to me telling me I should have told you sooner when I tried. You just only seemed to care about how far you could push me away and forced me to hate you when hating you was the last thing I ever wanted to do. If I'm going to be honest here I'd like to point out that I only hate you for pushing me away. I never hated you for you or whatever you thought it was I hated you for. The way you pushed me out like an outcast really fucked me up considering the feelings I had for you were so new to me I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. But now that I’m much older I understand that feelings are something we can choose to acknowledge or just simply ignore and once I learned how to ignore all the feelings that I had. I made myself move on from you and just decided I didn’t want to feel anything ever again unless it was pain. You put me in such a dark place I thought that not feeling an...

It's Not Real I could go on about how feelings get in the way of my judgment but that’s just an excuse to not feel and besides everyone around me knows feelings aren’t something I choose to have. So why you tripping over me not being able to acknowledge how I feel when it comes to you? Sometimes I just wanna be neutral about everything that goes on and only react when necessary. Somethings just don’t need to be acknowledged other than pain or regret and that’s something I know nothing about.  I have no knowledge of regret. I only do what needs to be done and call it a day. If you felt like my doings were in the wrong then keep it to yourself cause I won’t care considering the damage has already been done. There's nothing you or I can do about the shit I did. We can only move on from it and go about it a different direction if it ever comes up again. Not saying there’s no room for change because there can be I’m just saying I’m not wasting time on something that can be done inst...

I Find You Useless  I find it interesting how people ask me if I’m in a relationship and when I reply with no they see me as an outcast and just laugh at me. Which is fine considering I don’t really fucks with most people that I meet so I get where they’re coming from. But since when does being single / independent have to be a weird thing? I’ve been alone for so long that I don’t know how to be with somebody else. It’s hard and feels uncomfortable for me being with someone for more than an hour. Feels like I’m invading their space and I just end up leaving without an explanation other than it’s been chill but I got to go. Not sure if it’s because I pushed everyone away from me for getting too attached or just simply because I didn’t care to be bothered and have people getting in the way of my life and end up being dragged into shit I have no interest in acknowledging. But either way I don’t regret it. I only regret giving them the option to stay or leave when they should’ve just l...

Just Seeing Where Your Head Is At  How do you manage to be in someone’s business when the only thing that person is doing is finding ways to disappear without a trace?  Chill the fuck out thinking somebody got something to do with you! If anything that person has never even acknowledged your existence. Some people just don’t see others the way others do! Not everyone comes to the realization that others have a meaning/purpose in their life. Some see others as a distraction or simply don’t see them at all. People need to realize not everyone they meet is going to show them the respect they seek or see anything worth noticing. They’ll just walk past you as if you weren’t there. Getting mad for not being recognized/acknowledge is such a childish move. Just make your point and move the fuck along. If they want to acknowledge and take interest they will but don’t force it upon someone. Otherwise they’ll see you as a insecure little bitch and just look at you in disgust. Not everyth...

Why Do I Even Bother at This Point? People stay telling me to be more happy / smile more and all this other shit I don't care to be. It's frustrating for me to be something I'm not / do something I don't understand. Me not smiling and not showing any kind of emotion or reaction and going about my business makes me happy. I get people who don't know me will never understand why I do the thing I do but damn chill telling me to be happy, because I'm perfectly happy I just have a hard time acknowledging it and showing it. Sorry for not being like every other basic living creature on this planet with emotions and knowing which ones to use on cue. Sorry for not being brought into this world with a mom and dad like every other newborn baby. Sorry for having to be put in an orphanage dealing with emotional and physical abuse while also having to fight and survive until I was either old enough to leave or get adopted. Sorry for being so aggressive due to my upbringing. E...

It's Just Easier This Way It's been a few days since I've done anything relating to social media other than delete/deactivate my accounts due to personal and mental health reasons. I'm not mad or upset about anything or towards anyone. I've just been feeling very drained recently trying to do social media and keep up with everyone I care about with everything that's been going on with work, life and moving out it's been really stressful on me and not knowing what to do just made it worse for me. So I thought by me getting rid of my socials would help me get more time on my hands instead of looking at a phone for 15-18 hours a day. I haven't received any text or calls asking if I'm okay/what happened so I guess it was best for me after all. Considering I was right after all, nobody cares and I'm okay with that. Gives me plenty of time to reflect and think about everyone who was just there but didn't really seem to wanna be there I guess. Maybe...

It's Nothing Personal No offense but I don't care to acknowledge people who don't have my number and don't even talk to me in real life but have the audacity to say they know me or tell their friends that I'm cool with them and we should all hang out. I'm sorry but what? If I don't talk to you / make eye contact with you in public that's a dead giveaway that I don't know you. So could you stfu saying I know you because I don't and if I did you would know I don't appreciate people around me telling my business to those I don't know/talk to on a daily basis.  I don't need my private situations getting mixed in with my public situations for everybody to see and judge me on it because it shouldn't have been in the public eye in the first place. That's why I stay off the grid and off social media and never post stuff on my accounts. But that doesn't mean I don't have people to talk to about certain situations that I go thro...

Just Being Honest Like You Told Me to Be People see me thinking I'm always happy or just basically living life but in reality, I'm always thinking of killing myself due to the stress and anxiety that I'm facing but I never talk about it because I hate looking for help/attention/validation from others. For me there's just something about people asking about my personal life and how I'm feeling that's just annoying to me and I'm not trying to be rude or mean about it but damn can you just back off my case and not ask me about shit that has nothing to do with you! If I wanted to talk about something that involved you I would've confronted you about it. But it had nothing to do with you therefore you have zero reasons to be in my business playing detective. I'm not the type to acknowledge someone's question especially when it comes to me having to explain to them what's bothering me considering the answer is always the same ( No longer see the po...