Mak

Update on the Shit that's Been Going on Lately! So things have been going pretty well so far now that I've taken some time off social media and deleted primarily all of my accounts other than the accounts I use to promote or simply just post things that matter to me. Such as my blog site and the site where I post all my photos aka "the archive". I've been taking things pretty slow lately. Not really in a rush to be seen or heard so I'm just doing things that I enjoy and staying out of sight basically. I ended up purchasing another camera, but it's from the Canon line instead of the Sony line due to the price and considering I've always wanted one just because. So I ended up buying the Canon g7x mark 2 and I'm already planning on taking it with me everywhere I go since it's compact and basically easy to use now that I spent a whole day figuring out all the settings and setting it up to my liking. But I'm also thinking of getting the Sony ZV-...

I Never Told You So I get that I'll probably never get another chance to see you or be able to talk to you ever again, which is fine because I'm not the one to get attached to others so it's no big deal. But there's just been some shit on my mind that I need you to understand. Even if that means ruining my privacy for the sake of this post. I just really need you to understand that what went down and everything happening the way that it did, I never once cared to hate you for it. I just really wished it had never happened. That was all I really wished. I just wanted to try and fix things with you. I wasn't trying to make things worse for us! It just kind of all fell apart the moment I tried to fix it not knowing where to go. I thought I could just do the normal by communicating with you and see where shit went wrong but we both knew shit was wrong when I tried to make things right with you, knowing damn well things could never be the same as before and I forgot abou...

Back into the Deep End Honestly, I just wanna disappear. I'm not sure how else to explain my needs or wants other than just doing it myself and not mentioning it to anyone. I don't do handouts or anything in that area. So if I need something there's a chance I'm getting it no doubt about it. But certain shit needs to be forgotten and simply just erased from my life and the first thing to go is probably my socials. I don't even use my social media accounts other than to just keep a hold of the username and that's really it. The only app I really use on my phone is YouTube primarily and sometimes Snapchat but that's starting to annoy me with the new update and shit. I understand I have people who need me for certain things but I'm bout to just say fuck it and go ghost. I noticed my snaps have been limited to 1-2 snaps a day and that's only because I don't even check the app first thing in the morning. I wake up and go straight to work. I don't ...

He Can Have You! Please don't take this the wrong way but the title basically says it all. I don't mean it in any way other than me just letting go of you and everything you've ever meant to me. I'm not trying to hold on to you or anything related to you. I'm simply just erasing you from my life and all the memories we made because it's clear to me that I was never good enough for you and I'm okay with that. Not everyone you meet is going to be useful or obligated to fit your needs. So thank you for giving me the chance to be myself but it's time for me to cut all ties and move on from everything that has happened. I just think this life has a different meaning for me and I don't want to be held responsible for dragging you into my life knowing I'm just going to be a burden to you. So if I just let go of all the things we did and everything you meant to me then things will be much better for the both of us. I don't want to be the reason that ...

I Guess Getting Hit By a Car Was All it Took Some things are bound to happen unintentionally and intentionally and you just have to accept it and move on from it all. Nothing you can do or say can change the outcome of what happens. You can only learn from it and hope it doesn't happen again, and if it does happen again then it's a sign to just let it go and move on from it. Don't force it or try to figure out where you went wrong because the answers will always be the same and you won't be able to change it because it's already been done and said. So just move on. Don't bother changing yourself for someone who never saw the good in you, only change for yourself and yourself only. Don't stress about this and that knowing it'll all play out the way you wanted in the end. Just let that stress and nonsense go. Don't put others first that have no business being in your life or just those who don't care about you in general. Just focus on yourself and...

You Were Never the One I Wanted I guess I'll talk my shit and leave since it's clear this has gotten out of hand. I meant all the shit I said about you and to you. So if you got an issue with it then address it to me and not to people I don't know or those who have no business being involved. Makes you look like an attention seeker which is funny since you never were the one to go out looking for it. So why you bother being that person is still a mystery to me but hey you do you. I'm no longer involved in your life so leave my name out of your mouth. You talk about this and that only to miss key parts in certain situations. It's cool though, I don't expect someone of your kind to tell the whole truth and get the actual facts. You're the type to play the victim and act as if everyone you've come across has done you dirty in one way or another when they were simply just trying to help you! I admit I was the one who initiated the first move but that didn...

Don't Bother Remembering Me Every time I think of you I get flashbacks of all the things that could've been only to realize it'll never be. I hate how I'm still obsessing over things that should've worked but didn't. I keep trying my best to not fuck up only to drown in tears because sooner or later I'm going to fuck it all up like before and have you see me as a failure once again, and I just can't live a life where you see me as a failure. I've been a failure with just about everything that comes my way when it involves you and I'm so confused as to why things never end up going right between you and me. I keep finding ways to move on from everything that's happened between us two only to sit back and have it all hit at once like a wave and there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening. I let myself drown in the waves of pain and trauma just to cope with all the shit that's happened. It's like a gateway to hell for me to ea...

I Don't Think I Have it in Me to Bother with You or Anyone Else's Existence I've been isolating myself from everyone lately because every time I say or think of something I'm always having to remember the pain that I cause from my doings. So If I don't say or do anything then there's nobody I can hurt or be a burden to. I no longer pay attention to anyone anymore and I'm not doing it to be rude, I'm doing it because I know deep down inside I don't matter to them, and when you don't matter to someone you care and love you don't see the point in putting the time and effort into them and it fucking hurts because there's nothing you can say or do that will change how they feel about you because their mind is already made. So if I seem distant and nonchalant from here on out I'm sorry! I realized that my existence is no longer worth anyone's time so I disappear and end up ghosting so those around me and those closest to me don't ha...

I'm Sorry For Loving You It hurts knowing I had to let you go to better myself from all the things that were wrong with me. I ended up being so distant that I didn't recognize anyone around me or myself whenever I saw my reflection. I cried on different occasions over things that mattered to me but never seemed to phase you and it hurt knowing that all the promises I made to keep were being broken as time went by. I tried my best to keep in contact with you but I never saw the point of reaching out because I knew if I ended up reaching out you would've questioned it and made me out to be the bad guy, and I just couldn't live with that. I cut myself out of your life thinking it would be better for you only to realize I ended up hurting you to the point where you no longer even look my way. I wish I could hold you one last time and apologize for all my doings and just be able to cry in your arms knowing you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But it...

Loving You with My Eyes Closed I love how happy you make me feel even if it's just for a short period of time. I have trouble finding happiness in a world full of fakes and untrustworthy people, but for some reason when I look at you all that seems to fade. My friends think I'm delusional for thinking someone like yourself could be the one to make me happy but I don't think I am. We have the history and the chemistry so why would it would be so hard? If it's there then let it show instead of hiding it like it's not there.  I see you out and about even when I'm doing my best to ignore all signs of your existence but sometimes I end up getting a glance at you and I just stop and admire everything about you from head to toe. I find you to be everything I ever need just to snap back to reality knowing I can't put myself through the process of getting my heart broken again. So I just look away as if you're just my imagination and not really there. I feel like...

There's Nothing Left to Feel I followed all the rules and let things go about their way just to not cause problems only to realize I was the problem all along. I pushed people away and left them alone thinking it would help but it just came back to haunt me in the end. I had people reaching out thinking something went wrong when the only wrongdoing was my existence in their life. I had to just sit back and wait until it was my turn to speak only to never actually speak but to just observe all the things that were wrong. I pretended that everything was fine just to seem normal and have fewer questions be asked when it came to my life. I didn't let anybody get close to me because I knew they'd just end up getting hurt and I couldn't let that guilt be put on me when I told them to leave me alone from the beginning but they chose not to. Got this reel of all of my past mistakes just stuck on replay making it harder for me to get close to someone. I can't keep reliving t...