Mak

Giving off the Wrong Idea I don't mind the thought of us going at it if that's the thing you choose. I lose track of time when it comes to you anyways so what's there more to lose other than the high you give off when you're close to me. I get so caught up in the feeling of having you next to me that nobody could compare to you and the things you do for me. I'll forever care about you but god damn don't go out and put the blame on me for the shit that was never my fault. You're the best and worse thing that has ever happened to me only because the best parts of you are the parts you never show to others but for me and the bad parts are the things you keep out from the public eye to see. You get so reckless with your feelings that things just tend to spiral out of my control and I tend to shut down so you can do your thing. I never asked questions or got in your way while you were hating me. I just let you hate me and I ended up seeing a side of you that I wa...

Dogding Bullets I never said I wanted to I just said it was easier doing it that way. I never asked for forgiveness or your sympathy! All I asked was for your understanding but you went and blew it out of proportion just to see how I’d react knowing it was never that serious to begin with! I ended up coming back to make things right just to be left in the background to deal with the lies you told knowing it was never meant to last! I did my best to make some sort of sense out of it but it just wasn’t adding up! I felt like every time I tried it was just a waste of time and energy on my part! I thought I had found what I was missing for so long but turns out it was just my imagination getting in the way! I thought you and I were great but then reality settled in and showed me things for what they really were and I was sick to my stomach that I let that shit go on for that long. I lost track of what was real and fake only to end up faking all my feelings for something that was a mess fro...

That Version No Longer Exist I'm done trying to send out messages explaining the pain you caused and how it affected me. I wish you were sober so we could talk face to face but knowing you you'll just get upset that I'm even making the attempt to talk to you. I wanted to make things clear but you only saw that as a threat when all I ever did was care about you. You made me happy for the longest but then soon after you ended up causing pain day after day and I didn't have a reason as to why you were doing it. I wish you could have just explained to me what was up with you but you just ended up shutting me out every time I asked if there was a problem. It was killing me on the inside not knowing what went wrong or what was making you act that way. I ended up distancing and avoiding you for the longest time because I was scared you were no longer the same person I once fell in love with. I wanted things to be real and authentic as much as possible between us two. But you n...

My Feelings Aren't Meant For You I forget that certain people around me don't deserve or need to see the caring side of me. It just feels wrong to show how vulnerable I can be to others just for them to call me sensitive or overly caring. I tend to shut down in moments when I can't describe how I'm feeling or what it is I'm feeling because I never learned to understand how feelings actually worked. I just suppressed all my emotions growing up and let them ball up and over time I let them die. It felt safer that way than to have people ask questions about why I did the shit I did knowing it was just me reacting to shit and how I felt towards it at the time. But now I no longer react or acknowledge the shit that's been said or done to me because there's no point in addressing it or giving it too much thought. I just let it be what it is and hope for the best. I'm not looking for people to say sorry or any sort of communication when it comes to bad doings. ...

All the Times You Could've Lied I understand that there will never be any sort of love between us two and honestly I’m okay with that because after all it’s just a game for you so I pretended to do the same and let you think what we have is real knowing damn well none of it really ever mattered. So let’s just call it what it is and move on from all the games and suffering! It’s no use to keep holding on to things that are already broken and damaged! Feels like it’s just spare parts for the wrong things! No matter what we do to try and solve the problems we’re always going to have a missing piece! It’s draining as fuck thinking things are working out then have shit turn into fighting and chaos for us to just go our separate ways! I wish things didn’t have to end on such a bad note but here we are day by day letting shit get worse and worse just to see who can tap out the first! It’s like a constant war between us two and we don’t even have a clue as to what we’re fighting for other ...

A Matter of Time I swear this is nothing against anyone other than myself and my inner demons. I have no hate towards anyone right now. I'm just trying to get a grip on certain shit that seems to just be slipping away every chance it gets. I don't care to go into details about this or that when I already know what needs to be done. I keep hiding my true self from others because the real me would never be understood and I don't think I want it to be understood if I'm being completely honest. It's like there are multiple versions of me being created day by day and I don't know who or what I am at this point. It's all just a blur for me because half the time I feel like drowning and other days I feel like I'm allowed to exist and others it's just a blank space. No thoughts no knowledge no nothing. It's just a void of emptiness for me on regular basis and I don't know what I'm supposed to make out of it let alone do with it. All I ever do now...

Don’t Say You’re Sorry! I never had the heart to stay but I guess I should’ve known better than to give up my time for something so temporary! I couldn’t help but figure you out for the better only to realize nothing ever got better in the process! It was just lies after lies and it was draining from the start! Nothing I did or could do would have made things work! No matter how hard I tried and fight for us it would always just come out as me being the bad guy! I hated the image you made for me. I didn’t realize the way you saw me was so cruel and disapproving. If I had known sooner I would have just left you alone but no! You choose to do your thing and lead me on only for me to get hurt in the process! I ended up losing those I cared about because I didn’t want to walk away from something that I thought was worth fighting for. But turns out there was nothing to fight for. If anything it was just us fighting the whole damn time and for what I don’t know! I guess because we never saw ...

Cold Blooded I really want certain niggas dead. Got too much pride to have my shit disturbed and by the looks of things it's clear to me that my alter ego is out and about so fuck you and all the shit you do. I don't care about this or that when in reality you just need to hop up off my shit and suck a dick for all I care. I put money on your life hoping one day you get your karma just for my amusement. I got tired of all the games that I ended up getting even with those I no longer wanted around me. I cut ties and let them drown because what's the point of having dead weight around? Makes no sense to me so fuck it. I ended up killing off the good side of me and ended up bringing out the evil side so if you're ready to hang with the demon then let me know cause that's all I am at this point. So if I seem off or uncontrollable there's a reason, I just won't be acknowledging it. I can tell that you're getting mad so why don't you come and run into this...

Flatlined If it’s not me then kill me! I’m sick and tired of all the back and forth thinking I made things right with you knowing damn well you’re the one who’s coming at me with all the hate! I did my best to play my part as a friend but turns out I was the enemy the whole time and for what reason I don’t know! But if that’s all I am to you then please just let me end my shit and let you have your peaceful life! Cause I’m tired of being in the way of people I don’t even know or care about! It’s frustrating trying to stand clear of everyone and everything but yet still seem to get dragged into shit that has no meaning to me. I avoid and go ghost as much as possible but even then it’s still not good enough for anyone it seems! I don’t do it for attention. I do it so I can be left alone and not be such a bother to others! I stay to myself and only talk when needed to. I’m so unbothered by the shit people say and do around me that they’ll find their way to make it about me even though I h...

I Couldn't Be More Grateful! Hey sorry to do this but I just wanted to be honest with the way I feel when it comes to you! I ended up falling for you unexpectedly knowing I’d get hurt in the end but I didn’t care because the way I felt towards you was real and I loved the feeling of having you around! But turns out I can never be the one for you! I thought that maybe I could put myself in a position where I could be all yours but I just don’t think I could ever be with someone like you! Not because there’s something wrong with you or anything like that it’s just I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for hurting you! I’m just trying my best to not hurt anyone around me and the thought of me hurting you just doesn’t sit right with me. I like having you around way too much to do anything more than I should! I’m good and well with where I stand with you! I appreciate the moments we make together and the talks we have. It’s just I could never love you the way you want! I wis...

Friendly Fire I should've known better than to hit you up. I just wanted to see where you stood with me. I wasn't sure if we were cool or just completely done with one another. I understand I took some time off and away from reaching out to you. But I really missed having you around and I didn't realize at the time you had move to a different state. I wanted to just end the conversation right then and there because I thought that making things work or going back to what we had was done and over with for good. I wanted to kill off all the feelings I had for you because in my head I knew it was never going to be the same and I hated the thought of never seeing you. I asked you questions about what the future hold for us and you replied back with the same response as always so I felt good about that. I wasn't overthinking anything and I stop panicking over the thought of losing you. I admit it took some time getting used to you being away and not next to me. In my head, I ...