Mak

Shutting Down So I've been quiet and out the way with just about everyone and for some reason they've been asking way too many questions about my well being. I wish they would all just stop and go about there own damn life instead of keeping tabs on mine and asking why I'm so quiet all of the sudden and why all the sudden changes to my personality and feelings. I hate having to explain shit to others because I feel like it's just a waste of time but also it's just not going to register with them. I like the isolating feeling and not having to depend on others for my own happiness and amusement. I like peace and out of the way doings.  I don't care to be around anyone at work let alone enjoy going to work anymore. I'm starting to arrive late and leaving early because I feel like my time is served better somewhere else. Not saying I hate my job, I'm just saying that I no longer care about it like how I used to. I've been thinking of pulling the trigger...

I Wanted to Be There For You I know I took some time off and away from your life and tried my best to move on from ever knowing you! But in all honesty, I thought of you every night before going to bed wishing things could’ve worked out between the two of us for the better! I hate knowing that you & I didn’t work out, even though the math made sense at the time! But I guess it was just the season that made it seem so real and right! I never expected things to go back to how they were so quickly and basically just let it all end the way that it did! I thought by letting it be just a seasonal thing that it would all make sense to me but it just made me realize how much I wanted you around! I hated the look in your eyes knowing I could never make my feelings known about the way I truly felt toward you! I wanted to make things easy for you but it just never felt like the right time! I promised myself to keep away and at a distance so I didn’t cause any harm or be a bother in your life!...

I Never Cared to Love Anyone Else Where do I begin other than the fact that I had to get used to the pain that others brought upon me! I got to a point where that’s all I ever wanted and only knew to exist that I became numb to any other feeling that was making its way to me! I didn’t care for love or being liked by others at that time! I was just simply drowning myself in the hatred and suffocating thoughts of never being good enough for you!  I ended up going into a state of mind where nothing I did mattered and it would simply just go unnoticed! So I did what I wanted without a second guess but when it came to you I had begun to overthink my every decision before I made it! I wanted to be the good guy for once but it’s hard when you’re surrounded in a room full of judgmental people who only know you for the bad and only talk about the bad! I had to find a way out of that environment but the only way out was with you and I just wasn’t in the right head space to commit to you!...

You Were Just Too Good for Me It's crazy how we went from being strangers to friends and back to strangers as if the things we did and talked about meant nothing to one another. I thought by just letting things be casual and easy flowing with no strings attached that the feelings were just going to remain irrelevant for the time being. But I was wrong and I wish I had known sooner that you felt towards me was more than I had realized and I apologize for not seeing the signs sooner.  I never meant to have you think I was leading you on or making it seem like I wanted more than what we already had/were. I thought that by being able to open up and letting you be close by that the friendship would be easier for the both of us but little did I know you were making it out to be something more than I had hoped. I didn't mean for it to look like I was leading you on or make it seem like you weren't worthy of my time. I just get lost when it comes to having people see me as more tha...

It No Longer Exist I understand that certain situations can't be controlled or dealt with in a timely manner. But the ones that can don't really pertain to me anymore. I've got people to handle that shit for me. Yeah they might need details and examples of what's to come but overall I trust them to handle it and have it be done and not be a bother to me. Things come and go but I choose to ignore it at all cost. I'm done with having things exist / be easy access for me. If anything everything that was once easy access for me is no longer a given to me. It's either in the hands of someone else or simply just gone now. I don't care to seek out anything or anyone anymore. I'm staying calm and letting things come to me when they want and keeping out the way with just about everything that's been going on lately. I don't know when I'll be able to fully reconnect with everyone I once knew but for now I'm taking it easy and enjoying the solitude ...

Fuck the Favors It's not that I'm upset or angry at anyone or the things around me, I'm just done dealing with it all. I have zero motivation to be doing all the things I used to do. I don't care to talk or socialize just for the heck of it. I’d rather be isolated and away from others and just keep to myself without having to get in the way of others and the things they do. I don't care to hear what's on your mind or anything relating to your personal life. I just need you to do you and keep your distance from me because I promise you I won't hesitate to tell you to fuck off the moment you approach me. I'm done being associated with those I once was. I don't care to keep tabs or care to see how anyone is doing because at this point it's none of my business. It's their life not mine so why bother being in their business for? It doesn't concern me or benefit me in any way so I just don't care to even talk to them. I've been finding ...

Been Keeping Low I know I’ve been off everyone’s radar for quite some time now and it’s not because I had a problem or any kind of beef with those around me and those close to me! It’s just I needed time to distance myself and go my own way for a while! I didn’t care to bother reaching out or being seen because I didn’t have anything to say or talk about at the time and I just didn’t feel like being a waste of time for others. So I decided it was best to just keep quiet and stick to the shadows! I didn’t care to respond or acknowledge anyone’s texts or calls because what was I supposed to say exactly? It just didn’t feel right reaching out to anyone! I made the choice and chose to be happy on my own! I didn’t care to stress anyone out with my own personal issues when in reality none of the issues I was having have taken a toll on me since I quit being associated with others! Everything has been smooth sailing since I cut ties with just about everyone!  I might step out here and the...

Ended Up Being Someone Else All jokes aside it wasn't that hard to talk to you. Yeah, I had to watch what was being said and done but overall opening up to you was a lot easier than I expected it to be. I guess it just comes from always feeling like an outcast so I don't tend to open up as much or at all really. Unless it's got some sort of meaning or relevance to what's happening around me that I didn't appreciate or made me feel some type of way. But so far so good. I have zero complaints about us being friends and taking it slow. I just wish we could link up and vibe in person. I get that you have your own life and I have mine and I try my best to not ask questions or get in the way of your doings, but sometimes I just really wanna ask a question about this and that and just talk. But I know that will never happen, at least not right now. I don't think it's safe to ask questions about anything that's going on in your life because I'm not trying to...

Options Overflowing It's crazy to think about the number of people I can hit up to satisfy my needs whenever I need them. So please don't ever think you're the only one I'm fucking with. Yeah, you might be the one I'm with for the moment but after the slightest inconvenience, I'm calling up another and going from there. I don't care to talk about the shit that went wrong. I'd rather just ignore it and go about my day with another one. I don't have to sit back and hear your stupid ass apology. Just pack your shit and leave. You made a mistake and now you're done. Don't bother trying to explain yourself. I've already got my options lined up at the door letting them in so what's the point in you sticking around? You're just gonna end up getting jealous and for what? All because I traded you with someone else? Seems like a cry for help. You can tell to me to fuck myself however many times you want but it won't change the thought o...

Better off as Strangers I never understood how you couldn’t feel anything at all when you left me hurting and didn’t care to ask why! I guess me hiding the pain made it seem like everything was fine between the two of us. But it really wasn’t! I was confused as to why things ended when you were the only one I ever thought about! Nobody else came between the thought of you and the way I let it consume me was my fault. I thought that by making time and clearing out my schedule just for you, you would realize that I’ll always have time for you. But turns out it was such a waste of time! You didn’t care about the things we did or talked about! You just wanted to take and take and I let it happen because I was blinded by the look in your eyes! I guess it’s just the way things go and I ended up falling for it! Silly me thinking things could work between the two of us! What a waste of thought that was! Besides, who am I kidding I should’ve seen it sooner the way you kept denying the smallest ...

Finally Managed to Get My Attention Don't bother denying what happened earlier this morning when I walked in. I didn't mean to cross paths with you but I couldn't help but notice you walking by in front of me looking my way and making eye contact not knowing I'd be thinking of you throughout the day hoping we'd meet again. I didn't care to react or approach you knowing I had no business bothering you but hopefully one day we could get familiar with one another and just vibe. But for now, I'm just gonna go about my business and let you do you. I don't wanna be a bother or make it seem like I'm trying to play games when it comes to you. I genuinely see something in you and want to get to know you for real and not just what you give off when you see me. I want a deeper connection with you but have it where it doesn't feel rushed or forced. I see you often and don't bother saying anything to you because you seem to be busy and just basically doin...